Battered husbands suffer in silence

There are thousands of husbands in India like Gaurav who got physical, emotional, mental and financial abuse by their cruel and unscrupulous wives. My wife also filed a false 498A case at Jaipur against me and my parents, telling that I went to her house with 2 goons for threatening and demanding Rs. 10 lacs of dowry. But fortunately I have train tickets and other evidences to show that I was on the way from Jaipur to Mumbai for attending the CII seminar at Taj Mahal Hotel. I have video recording of “Kuch Diiil Se” program of Smriti Irani where my wife said 'Nishant ek kamyab pati hai' that Nishant is a successful husband, but in her FIR, she wrote all the false stories based on dowry harassment, stating that I harassed her from the day one of our marriage.

It is unfortunate that such cruel wives play with sympathies of public, police and court for their support and misuse draconian laws which were made for protection of women. Due to widespread corruption and low morale values, the whole system surrenders to the desires of a vindictive and hostile woman to harass her husband and in-laws. Now it’s the turn of battered husbands in India who need solace, as there is no one for them.

Usually it is a laughing stuff as such stories find their place in the ‘Masala’ news section of newspapers. It’s the society’s psychology at play, a man who is supposed to be physically stronger and a natural caretaker for a woman is bound to become a laughing stuff when he would reveal his most personal secrets of being beaten up by a woman. Due to this reason, such men are reluctant to come out in public to uncover their scars, although they would rather prefer to keep suffering alone in the silence. The media, society and the government should seriously consider such victimized men.

But society is still unaware of it at large and not ready to provide the support to the victimized husbands, as they still ignore men’s concerns and consider them as being chauvinistic, against the rising power of women in society and as a crying wolf on loosing their privileges as a man. The said perception is due to the groundwork of feminists and thousands of women organizations who have been manipulating the concerns of harassed husbands and propagating the biased opinions and views that are actually anti-man. Their lopsided policies have started disintegrating the social system in India which is used to be the India’s core strength. The women organizations have largely manipulated the data and falsely represented it so attract media and public attention to their biased views. They are unable to provide corrective measures to the problems of harassed husbands and their family members who are falsely implicated under the Dowry Laws (Section 498A).

Tortured by wife another victimized husband committed suicide

He was fighting false case of dowry harassment, and was unable to see his daughter that was intentionally kept apart from him by his torturous wife. His wife had filed a case of Section 498A of IPC against him on 29th March,2006. Rajesh Hasmukh Desai (of Ahmedabad) committed suicide being unable to handle “legal terrorism” and being deprived of his child for a long time. Rajesh’s family is shattered and his father is admitted to a hospital. He is not the only one, but there are hundreds of husbands who gave their lives after realizing that no one will listen to them, no government official, no authority, not even Indian Media who always sympathizes with wife and take side of women, whether they talk true or not, without doing any background checking.

Such husbands can not bear the emotional, mental and social trauma in addition to the financial and other sufferings that they have to undergo through when they are bound to prove themselves innocents in courts where they are charged as criminals by their own wives.

Rajesh Hasmukh Desai was also unfortunate to marry such a woman who became the reason for his committing the suicide at Ahmedabad, Gujarat. He was married for more than 10 years and was around 32 years of young man, the only son of his parents. He hanged himself at his home at Ahmedabad on Sunday night, 19th Nov., just few hours after receiving a phone call on his mobile from his wife when he was with his friends at Barista Coffee Shop.

My tears can not stop coming out while I write this.

May his soul rest in peace. My deepest condolences to his family members.
Rajesh Hasmukh DesaiA-703, Sagun Castle, Opp. Kameshwar School, Jodhpur Char Rasta, Satellite, Ahmedabad - 380 015. Phone Res.: 079-30410000 (Ahmedabad, Gujarat, India)

The whole country became the mere spectator to the tug of war and rounds of news on former Kashmiri militant Mohammad Afzal, who was sentenced to death by India's highest judicial forum, the Supreme Court, for his alleged role as a conspirator in a terrorist attack on India's Parliament House on Dec. 13, 2001. But his execution was indefinitely postponed after his family filed a clemency petition. When a terrorist can get sympathy of human rights activists and political clout then why not the innocent husbands and their family members who have well served this nation.

But, who will save hundreds of husbands from giving death to themselves every year in India, when they commit suicide due to unbearable, non-tolerable and consistent verbal, emotional, financial, mental and social abuse from their wives.

Who will save such husbands? Who will give them clemency?

God forbid, if in future I would be unable to stand against the GREAT TORTURE in Indian courts being an innocent man, and if I decide to end my life, could the greatness of our President or any authority of India save me?

Please let me know.

For more information on husbands' suicide visit:
http://www.498a.org/news.htm , http://498a.org/

DV Act- Questions to Minister Renuka Chaudhury and other lawmakers

Q.1 We all are aware that how the anti-dowry law of sec. 498A of IPC is rampantly being misused by scrupulous wives against innocent families. Instead of solving that problem, you have introduced Domestic Violence Act to further empowering the demons. Why? Are you not worried about innocent families being legally terrorized?
Q.2 Men too are victims of domestic violence. Then why have you not provided legal protection to men under Domestic Violence Bill?
Q.3 You gave a statement on national television saying, “It is men’s turn to suffer”. Is that true? If you said so, what do you mean by that?
Q.4 Do you agree that verbal or emotional abuse in Domestic Violence bill is a subjective and relative term? How will you make sure that using these clauses, women will not misuse this law? Q.5 Domestic Violence Bill is applicable in live-in relationship, too. Do you have any statistics showing that women who are into live-in relationships are victims of domestic violence? It is unlikely that rural women will ever be in a live-in relationship.
Q.6 When we already have anti-dowry law of sec. 498A, then why have you incorporated the clause of dowry harassment in Domestic Violence Bill also?
Q.7 One clause says that if a woman does not have a legal title over the man’s property, if she has some interest, she can demand the property legally using domestic violence bill. Don’t you think this clause is violating men’s right and subjecting other family members to great injustice?
Q.8 A clauses says that if a man ridicules, humiliates or abuses the woman sexually or violates the dignity of the woman, he is subjecting the woman of domestic violence. How would you define dignity? Dignity is not gender-specific. It is the quality of character, values and behaviour of a person irrespective of the gender. Are you saying that men have no dignity?
Q.9 Even if the assets, bank account/locker solely belongs to the husband, the woman has the rights to demand from the man legally according to domestic violence bill. Are you not trying to facilitate and legalize extortion for women through this bill?
Q.10 Domestic violence bill also includes economic abuse. If a woman is asking something in monetary terms that the man can’t afford, do you think that the man should be imprisoned for this?
Q.11 You are requesting the Government to sensitize the police officer toward women in handling domestic violence cases. Do you want the police officer to arrest the accused if they find out the case to be false and fabricated against family?
Q.12 The clauses in Domestic Violence bill says that after the marriage or live-in relationship ends, the husband must provide alternative accommodation or pay the rent to the woman. According to the Hindu marriage, bigamy is a punishable offense. But live-in relationship that has no legal standing, a woman can have a number of live-in relationship at the same time. What do you have to say about it? Are you not providing an opportunity to women to use domestic violence bill to extract property of the man legally?
Q.13 Domestic Violence Bill has established a price to emotional distress and mental torture and ordering the man to pay to the woman as compensation. Don't you think that those women who are not actually mentally tortured will want to make quick money out of this clause for their benefit? Why?
Q.14 You have already included live-in relationship in Domestic Violence Bill. What will be the responsibility of the woman to prove that she did had a live-in relationship with a man? What if the relationship never existed?
Q.15 The bill says that the woman has the right to ask the Protection officer to restrain the family members of the man to come and live together or even visit the house. Is this not violating the fundamental rights of the family members of the man? If not, how? Is it not violating any laws when the owner of house has to leave his/ her own house?
Q.16 The bill also says that the woman has the right to ask the protection officer to direct the man to leave the house. Is this not violating the rights of men? Even if the house legally belongs to the man, he is kicked out of his own house. Is this how you like to protect women?
Q.17 One clause says that after the complaint is registered, the man will have no right to communicate with the woman in any ways. If a person is arrested, the police will provide the person the right to contact anybody. And here you don’t want the man to contact the woman at all. What are you trying to do?
Q.18 The clause says that even after the live-in relationship has ended; the man can’t evict the woman from his own legally possessed house. Are you saying that even after live-in relationship ends, the man is liable to provide the woman? When the live-in relationship is not legally recognized, then how can you constrain men’s fundamental rights?
Q.19 The clause says that even if the live-in relationship existed in any point of time ever in the past, the woman has the rights to complain against the man for domestic violence. This way the woman is given a way to take revenge and extort money legally from the man whom she had a live-in relationship in the past. What do you have to say about this?
Q.20 The clause says that upon the sole testimony of the woman, the court can conclude that domestic violence was committed by the accused. That means the accused is guilty until proven innocent, and the woman need not prove her allegations. Do you think that this approach is as per the legal principles? Are you not taking away the constitutional rights of men? How? This way the bill will be misused just like 498A. What do you think about this?
Q.21 You have admitted that sec. 498A is massively misused. You also know that Domestic Violence Bill will also be misused. What do you want to do? Is this how a law can protect one women by taking away all constitutional rights of men and women members of that family?
Q.22 You said that this bill is only to protect women from domestic violence. But the bill can easily break millions of families. Is this what you want?
Q.23 Many families, lawyers, NGOs all over the country are objecting on the way the bill is drafted. You don’t seem to be worried at all. Do you think their objection is baseless? Are you going to ignore them like you are doing in case of 498A?
Q.24 After all this, do you think you deserve to be the Minister of Women and Child Development? When you have introduced draconian laws like DV Bill and have not amended 498A, you don’t have any rights to ruin Indian family. What do you have to say?
Q.25 Are you not going to step down from the ministry for destroying Indian families and marriage? Why not?
Q.26 Why is there no protection for men from domestic violence ? If you say that not many cases of misuse of laws against husband occur, then do you have any statistics ? And regardless, if a man suffers domestic violence, shouldnt the law protect him as well ?
Q.27 DO you think women are capable of violence ? There was a news item that a woman killed her husband to get his property so that she can live with her lover. There are rising number of cases of violence by wife against husband that are covered by media. Since it is well proven that women are capable of violence, shouldn't the man be protected as well ?
Q.28 So, according to the law, if a man insults a woman, he can be jailed for a year. So, it is domestic violence if a man insults a woman. How about if a woman insults a woman ? Is not necessary to protect a woman from another woman? Also, is it not domestic violence if a woman insults a man ?
Q.29 According to the law, if a woman asks for money from a man and if the man is not able to provide it, then the woman can get the man jailed. However, the law prevents man from asking money from the woman. Isn't this economic abuse of the men? If a woman uses this law to blackmail and extort money from her husband, what protection does a husband have?
Q.30 If my wife says that if I dont kick my parents out of the house, then she would file a domestic violence case against me. What protection do I have under this law? Is this law not unleashing domestic violence against husbands, their siblings and old parents who are living with them?
Q.31 If my wife says that if I do not transfer all my property to her name, then I am economically abusing her and she will file a domestic violence case against me. What protection do I have under the law ?
Q.32 My wife is having an affair and she threatens that if I try to prevent her from meeting her lover, then she says that she will use the domestic violence law against me, as according to the law, I am preventing her from meeting her lover. I do not want a divorce because I have small children and I do not want them to suffer. Please tell me what should I do ?
Q.33 My wife wants to go a 5 star hotel every day for dinner as always demands luxurious life style. When I object, she says that I am not providing her food and hence she will file the domestic violence case against me. I have tried to reason with her, but she is not willing to budge. Please tell me what should I do?
q.34 This law gives tremendous rights to women and a lot of reponsibilities to man. What responsibilities or liabilities do women have under this law?
Q.35 DO you realize that there are generally some amount of disagreements within husband and wife in most marriages and by giving such absolute power to women, you are victimizing men. Its most desired result would be more divorces in which vindictive women will frame false cases on men in fits of anger, while taking away their property and putting them in jail. Many careers will be spoiled, many children will grow up in broken up families and will suffer. Ms. Minister, is this your idea of women and children development?
Q.36 Due to the poor drafting of this law, this law will be misused heavily and many many innocent men and women will end up in jail and their lives and careers will be destroyed. Who will be responsible for this? Do you have any message for them?
Q.37 If the new will be more misused than used and innocents get ruiled, then will you take its responsibility?
Q.38 Is there a provision that a woman who misuses the law will be punished as severely as a man is prescribed to be punished?
Q.39 You say that why will a woman file a case if she is happy in the marriage. In other words you are saying, that the man is at the mercy of the woman. If she is not happy for any reason, she can teach a lesson to her husband by filing a false case, reagardless of whether any violence occured or not. Are you advocating that all women are Gods and they can never be liers and culprits and all men are criminals? Where is the justice here?
Q.40 DO you intend to treat men as second class citizens under the new law? If not, then why have they not been given any rights in this law. Are you planning to make a similar law for men? If you are not because you are the minister for women welfare, then is there a minister for men welfare?
Q.41 Do you know if any other country has a domestic violence law, in which only the woman can file a case on man if she is abused, but the man can not file a case on woman if he is abused?
Q.42 Don't you think that this law will degenerate family harmony in society and will prove a boon to corruption and cruel wives? DOnt you think that domestic violence against husband will increase by effects of the new law and a great social catastrophe is awaited of us?
Q.43 I am against the common perception that domestic violence is mostly done by men towards women. Isn’t the vice versa possible?
Q. 44 There are more women who suffer due to misuse of anti-dowry laws against them than those who use it justifiably. What have you done to support and save those women?
Q. 45 Is there any proper redressal available to those women who suffer due to misuse of laws? If you have admitted the gross misuse of laws by women, could you take the responsibility to start a special cell to report such cases to the concerned government authorities and to your department?
Q. 46 In most of Indian families, men are the main bread earners of the house. If you are subjecting them to jails, you are depriving all of his dependents in family from the family’s source of income who will be miserably affected. What have you thought of those victims of legal terrorism?
Q. 46 I strongly feel that marital discord is a personal matter and cannot be solved in the courts. The biased Domestic Violence Act is a threat to the Indian culture, which should not have been implemented without the provisions of counterchecks. As the NCW and Dept. for Women and Child Development have admitted misuse of 498A, they should have made the new law quite balanced to take care of its misuse. The counterchecks could have been such as the existence of a law for redressing husband's abuse and to report law misuse to the government, NCW and Women and Child department for further action against the scrupulous women. What do you think about it?
Q. 47 Don’t you think that those who are advocating for implementation of new law for the women's protection, they should also be made accountable of any of its pitfalls. Wouldn’t you agree with me that until such framework is available, a stay should be issued for stopping the implementation of the new law as a measure of damage control and management?
Q.48 The Minister and other women organizations say that New law will not be misused as Anti-dowry law of sec. 498A. What measures you have taken to make sure that the new law will not be misused as sec. 498A?
Q. 49 Why you can not even report even one such a case of law misuse in so many years, never raised voice to punish the guilty in such cases? Did your department not indirectly helping those who misuse the laws against family and husband to extort money and property and go scot free by pressurizing them for settlements?

Weapon of Mass Destruction: Indian New Law of Domestic Violence Act 2005

The new law of Protection for Women Against Domestic Violence Act 2005, is a wrongly drafted law as it has many loopholes to be misused against others that could prove as a anti-man, anti-social and anti-nation.

Marriage is that moment of change in the lives of not only husband and wife but also in the lives of parents. As there are stringent laws made in favor of women, which are normally misused against those husbands and their parents who don’t agree to their wives' demands.

The whole family of a husband can be jailed just on basis of simple complaint of a wife, which could be false or fabricated, like for the dowry harassment or mental torture. Thousands of such cases are there in India, and increasing very rapidly every day due to false cases filed by unscrupulous wives to blackmail their husbands and their relatives for property, money, jewelry and other articles.

Once a man becomes a husband in India, he turns into a dormant violent man as per the laws and is a suspected criminal. There are overtly biased and stringent laws to dictate the dos and don’ts to a husband, but unfortunately, there is nothing in the hands of the husband to safeguard himself against his wife's nefarious intentions. It seems that the possibility of the husband being harassed by the wife has been is deliberately ignored by the lawmakers. Why are all the laws coined against the husbands only?
In a country like India, where the institution of marriage is considered sacred and survives on mutual understanding and respect, the Domestic Violence Act is uncalled for. So to preserve our culture, please punish the makers of this law.
The domestic violence law is actually a Taliban law, the only difference is that the Taliban regime used it against their women, and here, it will be misused to pester men. It is a loosely drafted law, which would work as an AK47 in the hands of unscrupulous women.
May be there are ulterior motives behind introducing this prejudiced law. The people behind this should be held responsible for disintegrating the Indian society and for spreading and supporting gender based hatred and laws. They shall be tried in the courts and punished duly for justice and sensibility to prevail in our society.
Laws like 498A are actually intended to protect the suppressed women. But on the contrary, these are being misused by them to blackmail the husband and his family and hence demand large amount of money, property, jewellery and other articles. Domestic Violence Act will also act as a legal tool in the hands of modern educated wives to get their unjustified demands fulfilled by way of threatening.
As India is termed to be one of world's most corrupt country the biased laws like sec. 498A and Domestic Violence Act are bound to be heavily misused by educated women with support of their parents and whole nexus against innocent families and husbands. These laws have been more abused than used and thus have lost faith among the legal community and the public.
The men and women who support such laws are mostly unaware of their misuse against the family ethos and peace, when they support the spirit of such laws that aims to give relief to a justified victim. The most of women organizations, NGOs, police and lawyers are always hesitant to openly talk about misuse of laws as it supports their livelihood in one form or the other. Police and lawyers get a hefty amount of money from wives as their share of commission out of alimony given by their husbands and Women Organizations and NGOs survive on Millions of Rupees of funds provided by government and international agencies for the agenda of dowry harassment and women development and care.
The problem of domestic violence against women is more in rural and economically backward community than in urban homes. It is very unlikely that an educated husband from an urban family comes home drunken and beats his wife daily or harasses her to demand dowry and money. Rather such complaints are falsely fabricated by cruel wives with the support of their parents and relatives who bribe and influence the officials. Unfortunately, the wives are the recipients of sympathy of the masses in the name of dowry harassment victim.
The statistics of past 5 years show that how the law of 498A was increasingly used in cities like Delhi and Hyderabad and how it was barely used in remote and rural places as most of such cases were filed by educated and well aware women just to blackmail their husbands.
The wife is assumed by law as a victim in almost every household situation, but there is nothing to stop or undermine a torture to a husband by his wife in India. I am against the common perception that domestic violence is mostly done by men towards women. Isn’t the vice versa possible?
Above all, I strongly feel that marital discord is a personal matter and cannot be solved in the courts. The biased Domestic Violence Act is a threat to the Indian culture, which should not have been implemented without the provisions of counterchecks. As the NCW and Dept. for Women and Child have admitted misuse of 498A, they should have made the new law quite balanced to take care of its misuse. The counterchecks could have been such as the existence of a law for redressing husband's abuse and to report law misuse to the government, NCW and Women and Child department for further action against the scrupulous women.
We must demand from the government for establishment of a Special Cell for Reporting the Misuse of Law against Husband and Family, which will function in sync with NCW, Women and Child department and Ministry of Home Affairs. It will not only help in taking strong action against the people who misuse laws but will also help in making balanced laws for saving the families in reality.

A proper redressal should be made available for reporting law misuse by way of online form (on NCW or MHA website) and by establishment of helplines for husbands.
Those who are advocating for implementation of new law for the women's protection, they should also be made accountable of any of its pitfalls. Until such framework is available, a stay should be issued for stopping the implementation of the new law.

Read the Special Report on Indian Marriage Problems and Issues at blog: http://reportmaritalproblems.blogspot.com and visit sites: www.498a.org, www.pariwariksuraksha.org , www.mynation.net